“What am I making this mean?” That question might change how you move through conflict with your partner. Because the real work isn’t making your partner wrong…it’s getting curious about yourself.

I wanted to talk about what makes relationships tricky and what makes them actually work, and in this episode, I share my own story; how I went from completely collapsing whenever Mike got upset, to finally learning how to hold my centre. How we survived the brutal early parenting years when we were both drowning and how post-traumatic stress cracked me open and forced me to do the real work.

Over many years of working with families, I have learned that you can’t make your partner do the work. All you can do is do your own, and trust that something shifts

I explore:

• Why we unconsciously choose partners who mirror our childhood wounds
• How attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganised, secure) show up in your intimate relationship
• The power of asking “what am I making this mean?” when you’re triggered
• What it feels like when your childhood wounds meet your partner’s defences
• The three paths your relationship can take when one person is doing the work and the other isn’t
• How coming home to yourself is the greatest gift you can give your relationship and your kids

I keep coming back to the people in relationships right now who are absolutely exhausted. Those who are doing the work, holding the space, trying to communicate better. And I want to say this… the fact that you’re asking “what’s here for me?” instead of “what’s wrong with them?” means you’re already transforming your relationship. Maybe not with your partner yet, but definitely with yourself.

Connect with Lael:

• Website: laelstone.com.au
• Instagram: @laelstone
• Facebook: @laelstone